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散歩
Apr 7, 2016 12:07:20 GMT 9
Post by mike on Apr 7, 2016 12:07:20 GMT 9
It's been a long time, everyone. Here's my new short translation of a small piece. Thanks in advance. Please point out grammatical errors, if any. 雑踏の中を一人で散歩すれば、都会らしい寂しさを感じることができると、いつだったか誰かがはなしてくれた。 実際、雑音に埋もれて、人の波にまきこまれて街の中をながされていくとき、なにかの拍子に我に返ると、 自分がひとりであることがしみじみと感じられる。故郷や親しい友のことが妙な淋しさをもってたまらなく思い だされるという人も多い。 わたしには故郷もなく、この地球上に心の拠り所もない。言うならば、どこにいても同じだということだ。しかし、 大都会の散歩は、わたしにとってもやはり、ひとり歩きというほかない。
A solitary amble in a throng, someone once said to me, can inspire that characteristic loneliness that you feel in the city. Indeed, I sense that very feeling of loneliness slowly soak its way into my being, when suddenly something snaps me back to myself from a drift of a walk in the madding crowd, in a cacophony of sound. Many people also attest to that aching sense of nostalgia which accompanies remembrance of one’s hometown or good ol’ friends. I, on the other hand, have neither a hometown nor an emotional anchor of a place on this planet; my heart’s compass, wherever I am, is ever fixed, as it were. Still, a stroll in the city, I must say, feels, even for me, very lonesome.
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散歩
Apr 11, 2016 10:17:10 GMT 9
Post by smith on Apr 11, 2016 10:17:10 GMT 9
Mike! Good to see you are still kicking about the forums, buddy.
No problems with the translation or the English, though I actually had to look up the word 'throng'. 'Crowd' would be fine, or even just 'people'. "A solitary amble among people". It all depends on who your target audience is, though. If it's for an academic audience (a professor, for example) then you should keep your original wording, though if it's for the average alcoholic idiot you find on the street (me, for example) it might be better to use more simple language.
But in answer to your question, the translation is awesome and I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes.
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散歩
Apr 25, 2016 8:52:24 GMT 9
Post by mike on Apr 25, 2016 8:52:24 GMT 9
Thanks, man! Quite a sedulous, nitpicking person by nature, I find it extremely hard to just yield to that alluring temptation to think that a typical native speaker possesses so much less lexical and syntactical sophistication than a non-native speaker will ever dream of.
I'm sure you have felt the same way about Japanese; not a few students of Japanese have dazzled me with their scintillating word choices and rhetorical flourishes!
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